I grew up without TV and thank God for
that. I've never seen so much rubbish in one place in all my life. If
I had the choice between digesting Andrew Wiles' mathematical proof
of Fermat's Last Theorem and the garbage on the telly......wait, I
DID have that choice just yesterday!....and guess which one I chose?
Damn right!
If only the proof wasn't over 100 pages long I'd describe it to you, but alas, it is.
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| the twin duo 'Jedward' representing Ireland |
And yet I, in all my disgust, can be
persuaded to watch really shit TV from time to time. Usually there
needs to be a reward involved if I’m to participate, though. In
this case, I was promised some seriously unreal entertainment.
Eurovision, I was told in advance, is
one of Britain's most embarrassing links to the rest of Europe...and
rightly so. Even I, with my limited exposure to trash programming,
could tell this televised song contest was absolute, utter rubbish.
In all my life I've never seen such talentless performing. And having
been involved in 12+ years worth of amateur theater and musical
performance, I can speak from direct personal experience.
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| The 2012 performance stage |
The Eurovision Song Contest is one of
the longest running television shows in the world. The project began
in 1955 when the European Broadcasting Union came up with the idea of
an international song contest
whereby countries, represented by their respective public
broadcasters, would participate in one television show, to be
transmitted simultaneously in all represented nations. In those days
it was very ambitious to join many countries together in a wide-area
international network. Without interruption, the Eurovision Song
Contest has been broadcast every year since 1956, which makes it one
of the longest-running television programmes in the world. Who knew?
Seriously, has anyone in the US ever heard of this thing before?
 |
| One of the favorites to win, the grandmas from Russia |
Today it claims, unabashedly, to be
“One of the most typical European traditions and without doubt,
Europe's favorite TV show,” which to me sounds like a leap and a
bound away from the truth, but what do I know? I suppose it MAY be
popular in other countries but, thank Christ, it isn't taken
seriously here in the UK. If it was, I’d have to leave.
After
decades have passed to potentially perfect this program, and particularly NOW
with all the song competition programs in existence to use as inspiration and a basis for 'what IS talent', you'd think
Eurovision would have its act together. But alas, it's crap. Even the
UK broadcasters mock their own involvement as well as all the acts as they perform. Meanwhile, the rest of Europe seems to really fight for the win. Votes are largely a popularity contest with the most given to the richest countries first, and then to the neighboring countries of the voting country. And the UK never wins because, apparently, the rest of Europe hates them...probably because of their close alliance with the US, the nation most hated across the globe.
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| Loreen, the winner, representing Sweden. |
You know what, I’m just going to let
some samples from the finale competition, which took place in
Azerbaijan (WTF? Is this REALLY a place? Like a real country?) speak
for themselves:
I will be putting a white tablecloth,
I will be waiting for kids coming back home.
The dough is rising joyously.
And my heart is cheering.
Party for everybody! Dance!
Come on and dance!
Come on and dance!
Come on and… Boom! Boom!
The house is full of kids, the relatives have come.
I am going to put on my green dress,
I am going to tie a white head cloth.
And I am going to dance.
We are singing extremely strongly.
We are dancing soulful, so soulful!
We are singing extremely strongly,
Because we are together!
Party for everybody! Dance!
Come on and dance!
Come on and dance!
Come on and …
Party for everybody! Dance!
... etc
"Suus" by Albanian lady with no vocal talent whatsoever.
English translation (excerpt):
In this world, love lives no more
Time has no time for us anymore, no
Noo, oh
Noo… oh…
Time has no time for us anymore
My airplane lands
On your souls’s runway without lights.
They elbow their way and rise today,
Those who couldn’t live yesterday.
"Waterline" by the Irish twins, Jedward, that no one likes.
"Love Me Back" by the Turkish guys...hey, at least they made a boat out of capes!!
And this sick little number by Modlova...lyrics seem a bit inappropriate for this kind of contest...AND for this style of music. Like dirty ska or something?
The UK is 'disliked' by most of Europe because it refuses to really be a part of Europe (or the EU). While technically it is included in the EU, the UK likes to keep itself distinctly apart (hence its currency) and looks out for its own interests first instead of that of the greater region it claims to be a part of. That's why most Britons don't say they are 'European' or from 'Europe'. Most people in the world don't consider the British isles to be a part of 'Europe' either. It has little or nothing to do with the US. Just FYI
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